Today has been kind of stressful, I won't lie. Just hectic and things kept going wrong and I was just in a bad mood, caffeine withdrawal I guess. But this afternoon Trevan and I went to Donna and Danny's and had dinner, and it was a good time. Shane was there and brought Rocky...I miss that big stupid dog. I need to get him home.
Then, when we got home you were able to get online and you and Trev talked! I took pictures cause I wanted you to see it from this side, will post them along with a bunch of other ones at the end...but honey he was so excited to see you...it was so sweet. He sat right there and didn't move and kept waving and saying hi...he kissed the screen and went around behind the computer and tried to hug it. He was so loud because he was excited...I was kind of worried that he wouldn't get it, but he totally did. At one point he laid on the keyboard and said, "Aw..." which is scary though cause he drooled on my keyboard. I see my needing a new laptop by the end of this year!
Seriously, the whole thing brought me to tears. We are so fortunate to have all these technological things and ways to communicate...
BUT...i need to get to bed. I just wanted to post these pics tonight so you would have a chance to see them. Also, I posted a whole bunch more in my Jan 2008 album in my Myspace pics...
LOVE YOU...some of these pics are from donna's house and some are of his black eye...gotta make sure we remember that lol...hopefully talk to you soon. Love you honey...miss you...there are a bunch of photos so be ready! lol
Hey babe! I am waiting on you to text me and tell me that you are getting online...and hopefully soon. i miss ya.
While I am waiting, i will fill you in on today...this morning Trev woke up around 7:30 and we had some breakfast. I tried to make him take a nap, but he wasn't havin it! So, around 11:30 we went to Donna's and met her. Then we went to Connersville and ate lunch at McDonald's. And then we went to the FRG meeting.
It was really sad. There were maybe 10-15 people there. I know people have to work and stuff and can't always make it, but come on. 10-15 people there to support the 100+ soldiers from our Bravo Troop. It broke my heart. I know they are unorganized, and not always a lot gets done...but just being in a room filled with women and kids who know EXACTLY what I (and Trevan) am going through...that alone is enough for me to go to every single meeting I can. They are like my family...and I just don't understand how you can avoid a group that is completely about what you are going through. Don't get me started...
Trevan was so funny though, he played with the kids and was SOOO loud! Towards the end SSG York came in and Trevan just started laughing and yelling and trying to get him to notice him. That boy HAS to be the center of attention at ALL times! He kept flirting and teasing Jenn Strate (SSG Strate's wife)like he was going to let her hold him, and then he would run away and laugh.
A lot of the women kept talking about how he looks like you...i think it's his poofy hair and square head LOL
Any way...after that we went to mom and dad's for the rest of the day. I am putting pics on of that. Trevan was so funny, he and my dad played and he actually was saying "Hi, Granny" to my mom. Has he ever said "Hi Mommy"? No, but it's fine. Really. I am not upset. :) And then he took their phone and was playing with it, and when he was done it rang and it was mom's friend from West Virginia...apparently Trevan had called her! He is silly.
He sat and ate in a booster seat like a big boy...mom made potato soup for me cause my ulcer...i am sick of that stupid thing already. Holli Jaques NOT on any kind of caffeine is a SCARY thing.
And then we came back home and Trevan got dunked in the tub and then put in bed. He is still in there making noise though...it's cause he slept so hard on the way home. It messed him up...oh well. Maybe he will sleep late!! One can always hope...
I LOVE YOU! Hurry up and get online! What are you doing, training for war or something? Gees :)
so...i don't rememmber if i told you this or not. But the day after you left, I started thinking about ways I could somehow get involved besides the FRG. I realized I spend a LOT of my free time on the computer, and I decided to start a myspace group. I thought maybe the five or six connersville wives I knew would join, and it might help us all.
WELL...now there are 35 members in my group. Yesterday there were 22. Wives from every company in the brigade. I am helping people...they are helping me...it's the second best thing to being on an army base and having the complete support of everyone you live by. It makes me feel good, it really helps me get through this. Everyday it seems some new young wife or maybe not young maybe just someone who has never experienced deployment messages me and asks me for advice or help. I am NOT an expert, but I really think I have helped people. And that really helps me. I minister to them...I tell them to have faith in God. And that helps my faith. I think I have found my calling. I need to quit work and just be a webpage designer HAHA i kid i kid, don't freak out!
Anyway...if you care...here is an excerpt from one of the bulletins i posted on my group...
------------------------------------------------------------ Deployments are tough...there is no way around that. As far as getting easier, i don't know about that either. I personally believe that we all have a choice in how we handle this next year. We can lay down in our beds and cry our eyes out every day and die inside...or we can get up, go on with our lives, send packages, be active in this group and FRG, pray often, and KEEP GOING. I MAKE myself get up each day and go to work and smile. Everyone tells me how strong I am, but really it isn't that I am strong. It's that I choose to have a positive outlook...my son and husband deserve that from me.
LOL, didn't mean to preach. I just get passionate about things that are important to me.
I have my moments. I let myself cry. And then, I say, "ok holli...get up and do something." and i do...and time passes. And my love and devotion for my husband grows.
Deployments are tough...but i am tougher! We all Are!
love you guys, holli
so anyway, i am sorry i haven't put pics up. The stupid desktop won't work and I can't figure out how to set up the picture wizard on my laptop to only copy the pics of my camera that i want...it either will upload all 354923875435 of them or none of them. I am computer stupid. Ugh. BUT...i will get them up asap. Part of it is I am too tired and feel to crappy to mess with it tonight...so forgive me.
I LOVE YOU...i miss you...and i will hopefully get to hear your voice sometime in the next few days. LET ME KNOW WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS ABOUT YOUR FOOT....oh who am i kidding. You prob won't even see this for another month...*sigh*
well, love you baby...g'night...i sent your second package out today. TF me
BUT...happy to report that nothing new has happened haha. Besides the fact that YOUR son has somehow managed to get his first black eye. I would put pics up tonight but it's late and I need sleep, planning on putting some up tomorrow of the ones I took today and then the ones I will take tomorrow to compare...
He is so tough! Ina said he didn't even cry, and his little face is so red and purple and swollen...I am embarrassed to take him out in public cause I am afraid people are going to think I beat him! haha
Today I got your second package ready and it is going out tomorrow...
Rachel came over and had dinner with us tonight and put Tman in bed while I went to the store, it was a nice little break. Although, I am becoming even more attached to that little kid. Knowing someone else was putting him in bed almost made me sick! And when Ina called me at work today to tell me about him falling, I almost left work cause I just needed to hug him and hold him and see for myself that he was ok...even though when she called I heard him laughing in the background. I feel so so sorry for my future daughter-in-law...
I had to show Trevan your pic on my phone today for 3495734987 times again, and he laughed and kissed it and said hi. He loves his daddy!!!
AND...Sally, you know, my best friend from high school that now lives in California, sent me this email today, and it was entitled "Message To Trevan":
Trevan,
We have only met once, but I have some wisdom I would like to share with you. I knew your mom long before you were even thought of and I think this info will help you through the next few months.
So, I know you are sad because Daddy is gone. I also know that mommy has assured you that he Loves you more than anything and he will be home as soon as possible. Mommy is going to be there for you non-stop and she is going to be as strong as possible. She will be putting on a very strong face, but she will have her sad moments too. Give her a hug and a kiss as often as possible. On occasion cuddle up to her for no reason other than you love her. Sleep for 10 hours one day, so Mommy has alone time. Smile for your Mom, cause when you smile she can see your Daddy through you. It's going to be rough on everyone, but i know that you and Mom combined will be able to get through it. You will both have rough days, but i know you can do it. Also try to keep the crying for Daddy to a minimum, cause when you cry Mommy will cry too and then who's going to get you tissues if you are both crying together. It will also help if you do lots of funny things that you can both laugh at. and last don't grow up to fast because I know both Mommy and Daddy will be sad if Daddy misses too much.
I promise that Mommy will show you all sorts of Love, Courage, & Joy while you guys wait for your Daddy to come home. Plus you gets all kinds of special mommy bonding time.
Words of Wisdom & Caring from a distant friend
seriously, how sweet is that? wow. People are amazing me left and right...
I am sorry you aren't getting much sleep though babe, I am worried about you...
But speaking of sleep, I really really need some. So, I am ending this for now...I promise tomorrow I will be back and with pics of Trevan's poor little eye...
sooo...i finally finally finally got my ribbons up! I am pretty proud of myself...and they are staying there until you come back through that door. (unless i have to get new ones to replace them)
today has been good. it's went by fast. Work was fine and then after Heather and Sierra came over and I ordered pizza and it was fun. Then we played rockband while sierra and Trev played. It was really fun and I needed it.
Tonight, well I just miss you. I am sick of that phrase but I don't know a better one. I pulled into the driveway after work and saw your truck and immediately thought, "oh! Jason's home!" and then I of course realized you weren't and had a minor breakdown...but after a few minutes I told myself that was enough, and I got up and got my ribbons hung up.
Joy gave me some great pics of you, they are awesome. I wish you would send me some jerk...but all the same I am grateful for these ones that i have. I will be attatching them at the end, as well as my yellow ribbon pics!!!!!!!1
Really, that's it today. Nothing excited. Haven't seen Rachel since you left. But seen Donna a lot...we are getting really close. And Danny is awesome, always shoveling my walk or doing odd things around my house that I don't even ask him to do. I couldn't ask for a better sister and brother-in-law.
I love you. More than ever. And I miss you. And so does Trev. But you know all that...
I am sorry your foot isn't getting any better, hopefully when you get it checked they will be able to tell you what is wrong.
i know, i know, you are the one sleepin in a tent getting four hours at most a night. But i am tired too! lol
I don't have much energy tonight, I really am exhausted and it's currently 1940 and I am going to bed at 2000. (are you proud i am using military time? trying to get used to it again) I have to tell ya, I am getting FRUSTRATED that you haven't been able to get online one time this past week. You haven't even seen this yet! It's bugging me, you would think you were training for combat or something gees! No, seriously, I am glad that they are keeping you busy...maybe it will make time go by faster for you.
As soon as you get paid on the 15th I am getting some mass pics developed and sending you so you can hang stuff up if you want...
Today was ok, besides the way it started. On top of having only two hours of sleep, Trevan had totally soaked himself thru the night so I had to totally change him before taking him to Ina's. Then when we got there he didn't want me to leave and screamed, so I had to just walk away and I cried the whole way to work. It was bad. About an hour later I called to check on him and she said as soon as I left he was fine...it seems like every day he gets a little more clingy to me...
Work was busy, so that was good. It went by fast. Then I went to a florist after work and had them make me some yellow ribbons [don't freak they were only ten bucks total] for the tree out front. One is not long enough so i fixed it as a door ribbon. I gotta tell you i am pretty excited about them...if it EVER QUITS RAINING i will put the one on the tree up and take a pic.
Then I went and got Tman and we came home and I made dinner and he wouldn't eat any of it, he is doing that thing again. So he had graham crackers for dinner cause it is all he would eat. Then he went to bed and here I am now...
I wish you would tell me in detail what you do all day...*sigh*
Anyway, I need some serious sleep tonight or I am just gonna fall apart. So...that means I gotta go. Sorry no knew pics or anything fun, I promise I will make up for it in the next one.
I LOVE YOU...i hope your foot is better...and I miss you. And quit telling me that you don't show me enough how much I mean to you...you show me every single day in every single thing that you do. Even states away, I never doubt your love. When you are an ocean away, it will be even stronger. NO TIME, DISTANCE, OR WAR CAN BREAK THIS KIND OF LOVE. So don't say that stuff anymore.
I will say though, that as hard as this is, when i force myself to see something good in it...it is a very very beautiful thing to be able to miss someone this much. It's hard, it hurts, it's no fun...but it's beautiful.
Ok, i for real am going to bed...until next time...WALK HARD hahahahahahahahaha
love you...chin up chest out soldier TF baby...
and i forgot! that blog the indy star is doing about the 76th can be found RIGHT HERE
Hey babe! I just got off of the phone with you, yea 27 minutes! haha #1 - i am worried about your foot! You BETTER get it looked at if it isn't better when you come back from the field. #2 - i hate that you are gonna be gone for 6 days...i just know that they won't have electrity and your phone will die the first day :(
So today at work was ok. MaryEllen called in sick so it was just me and Heather. We only had 3 patients, so mostly we just sat around and talked. Trevan did great when I dropped him off at Ina's, and when I went to pick him up after work he didn't want to leave. He wanted to play! He's soooo funny.
Mostly today I just avoided people. I was kind of moody and down and I just didn't want to hear the stupid comments people make because they don't know what to say. I will say this...3,400 troops from Indiana are deployed, and the world just keeps moving like nothing even happened. It PISSES ME OFF. Why aren't there yellow ribbons hung in businesses? Why aren't there signs hung saying "We Support Our Troops"? I am thinking of contacting the town Mayors and maybe My Man Mitch (you know, Mitch Daniels, our Governor,....nevermind you hate politics)and asking them those same questions. I want to know how they can go home to their nice houses and get in bed with their wives and have evenings and time with their families without thinking about the sacrifices that the men and women from OUR OWN STATE, our own HOME, are making.
Wow, i better stop. You don't care about that stuff anyway.
SO...i am gonna leave you with some pics of Trevan I took today...the first one is the one i told you that he looks like you. Look at his forehead and his poofy hair....that is ALL JASON JAQUES. He is gonna have your long skinny face...which is fine with me cause I happen to love your long skinny face :)
Good night babe...i don't know when you will ever even see this but when you do you are gonna have a lot to catch up on! Cause i am NOT stopping...I LOVE YOU!
Hey babe...I got to talk to you today! Even if it was only for a few minutes...it was still wonderful. Today your son decided it would be great fun to wake up at 7am...and I was counting on at least 8. So...we got up and had waffles and of course watched 324985y7349058 episodes of Sesame Street, The Backyardigans, and Wonder Pets. Then he took a nap and later we went to Danny and Donna's for dinner. Today has been ok...just worried about you and it's really hitting home that this if for a year. I got used to you being gone for a few weeks at a time, and it is sinking in that in two weeks you still wont' be here. BUT...it's all in my attitude and I know that. I am going to hold my head up high no matter what, no matter how I feel, and I know you will do the same. We are STRONG, and we can handle this. Trevan said Please twice today! He wanted a sucker and I wouldn't give it to him until he said please. I felt bad because he was crying and wanted it so bad, but finally he said a real quiet "Peas"...it was cute. He says "Thanks" a lot too, but not all the time. We are working on it. I miss you. Each day is a little harder than the last...and I know there are bad days ahead for both of us. BUT I also know this is only a season in our life, and I know it will pass. Well, that's really all I have for today...tomorrow is my first day at work and in a way i am ready and in a way i am dreading all the comments from people i know i am going to get. I am sorry you had to stand on your feet for 12 straight hours today babe...while you are totally exhausted. You amaze me. I could never do what you do. I LOVE YOU...and i am going to leave you with a song i recorded for you...i miss you...
why is it that when you leave everything falls apart? The sink won't drain, the water heater is not working right, the desktop computer crashed, and now Trevan's crib is broken. But you know what? I am ok. I am not even freaking out. Trevan is asleep in his pack and play, and my dad is coming over tomorrow to try to fix the crib. If he can't, then I am buying a new one and he is putting it together. I am just amazed at myself. I am handling things so much better than I thought. I keep waiting to freak out, but I think I am just ready. Mostly, I am just worried about you. I can't imagine what you are going through. And hearing your voice tonight on the phone just broke my heart. I hate it when you are hurting and I can do nothing. I want to tell you about Trevan and what he is doing but at the same time I know that is hard for you to hear. I just don't know what to say or do. So, I will say all that I know. I LOVE YOU...you are my world, and even though you don't like me to say it you are our hero. ON A LIGHTER NOTE...I am loving my squirrel feeder. Nutty is getting fat. And it's so funny watching them all...I am such a nerd. Trevan picked up the stuffed doll of you I got him and laughed and starting head-butting it. Then he hugged it. I cried, tried to catch it again on video but he of course wouldn't do it. He loves you...and he misses you. There is a giant hole in our home... Well....I gotta get some sleep. Here is the ribbon I made that random people are posting all over myspace... Jason people besides just me and Trevan are thinking of you. SO many people, people you don't even know. You have so much love and support. And you are stronger than you know...when you feel down, just know I am there with you. Lean on me, I can take it...I think God gave me some kind of super strength so that I can help you and Trevan right now... You are my world...and I wish you were here. I started crying in walmart today cause the last time i was there it was with you....and then I immediately started laughing because I am such a drama queen and I was picturing what you would say if you saw me standing in the cereal aisle looking like a lost puppy with tears streaming down my face. Even from Georgia, you can make me laugh. It's one of the reasons i married you :) well goodnight honey...i hope you get some rest. TF
Yesterday, you left. It was the hardest day in my life. This is the second time we have had to say "see you later" (good-bye is NOT in my vocabulary) because of a deployment, but this time was definitely harder. Our son is already missing his daddy so much, it is obvious. Missing you is not even a good expression for how I am feeling. But I don't want to dwell on that. I want to let you know that I am STRONG and PROUD, and those are the emotions I will be projecting onto our son. On the days where I want to sit and cry, which I know will come, he will not see that. I want this to be a happy time in his life, and it's my duty as an Army wife to take care of our family and our home. Yesterday we came home and spent time with family. It was nice to not be alone. Then Trevan went to bed and they all left and it was just me here, and I did a lot of thinking. I am ready for this, as ready as anyone can be. And you are too. We will make it through this year stronger than ever babe, and even though there will be hard times ahead, we will make it through them. Last night before Trevan went to bed we prayed for you. We prayed for God to watch over Daddy and the other soldiers and to always let Daddy know that we love him and are thinking of him. We will be doing this every single night. Yesterday was hard. Today is hard. Tomorrow will be hard. But each day that passese is one day closer to the day that you will be home again. And that is what I am living for. This blog is to keep you up to date on what we do, so if I don't get the luxury of talking to you at least everything will be recorded so you can see. I will try to update it everyday, but I doubt I will be able to do it all the time. At least it will be a few times a week. Jason, I love you. More than the day I married you. More than I did yesterday. We are so blessed to have found each other and to have the life we have. And whenever you feel down, or weak, or sad, just know that we are with you. We can do anything through Christ who strengthens us. Please, look to God when I can't be there for you. He will always always be there. I LOVE YOU...Trevan is waking up from his nap. All we have done today is lounge around in PJs....which is exactly what we needed to do. YOU ARE OUR HERO!! we love you...
